Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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