I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
this just has baby written all over it
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
