Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
