apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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