I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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