K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
