Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
