shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
