is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
