is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
