i'm lost and i look like a hooker
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
