My friends, they love my intelligence
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
