I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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