he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
