Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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