her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
