that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
