Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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