that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
