Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
