she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
