So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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