glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
