I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
