i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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