i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
