Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
