I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
