i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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