i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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