the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
