I accidentally had phone sex last night
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
