we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
