you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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