after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
did i walk over a car last night?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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