imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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