a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So much rum. So many feels.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
