It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
