I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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