my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
