I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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