Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
someone owes me an orgasm
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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