drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
