Yo dont text me then not text me
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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