i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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