Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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