stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
