Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
