Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My liver just had a heart attack.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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