Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If I die, sorry about rent.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
