I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
