There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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