Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
