I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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