My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
